INTRODUCING……JUNO!

I figured since she’s probably going to end up being the star of this blog I should properly introduce Juno to you all. For those who don’t know, she’s our 3 year old Great Dane. She’s full of energy and personality and is always keeping us on our toes. On a daily basis, she can make us laugh, cry, cringe, or scream – sometimes all of the above, simultaneously.

Below is a Q & A to help you get to know her better.

(And yes, if you’re wondering, having imaginary interviews with my dog is what I do in my spare time.)

What are your favourite foods?

• Steak
• Cheese
• Garbage
• Remote controls
• Pistachio shells
• Anything that is potentially toxic to dogs
• Poopsicles

Not necessarily in that order.

Likes:

• Naps
• Sleeping on my mom’s side of the bed
• Running full speed directly at someone, then veering to the side at the last second – you should see the look on the humans’ faces when I do that! Priceless!
• Rolling around in half-decomposed dead things I find at the farm – the smellier, the better

Dislikes:

• Loud noises
• Boats
• Gas station attendants
• Head halters
• Toenail clippers
• Baths

What’s your idea of a perfect day?

My humans get up at 6 AM to feed me, then we all go back to bed until noon. The afternoon is spent at the farm, where my humans stand outside with me and watch me run through stinky slough water, roll around in god-knows-what, and eat goose turds. And duck eggs. Straight from the nest. Then we go home – supper would preferably be a raw steak. Then my humans would sit on the floor directly in front of the couch, where I’m sprawled out, napping. Then we’d go to bed and I’d get the middle – while dad is pancaked against the wall and mom clings to the edge of the bed to avoid falling off. Sounds pretty blissful, right?

What’s your proudest accomplishment?

That time I managed to steal an entire raw chicken out of the kitchen sink when mom wasn’t looking. I got it out the dog door but then dropped it down the stairs, where it landed right at mom’s feet. It didn’t last long, but, man, for those few minutes, I was on top of the world.

You’re stranded on a deserted island, what 3 things do you take?

• My humans
• Our king-size bed
• A lifetime supply of cheese

Do you have any pet peeves?

When the humans expect me to lay on the floor with no pillows/blankets/bedding – like SOME. KIND. OF. ANIMAL!

What’s your worst habit?

That would probably have to be locking myself in the bathroom when I’m home alone. I don’t know why I even keep going in there, really. Then I have to wait all day until the humans come home and let me out. It’s happened at least 6 times now.

Most embarrassing moment?

Anytime I have to go in the boat at the lake. Not only am I scared shitless but mom dresses me up in the most ridiculous outfit. Collar, head halter, leash, life jacket. All the other dogs just jump in their boats, with nothing but sun on their face and wind in their fur. But there I am, suited up, all 140 pounds of me sitting on mom’s lap and shaking like a leaf. It’s humiliating.

Who’s your arch nemesis?

Squirrels.

Any secret talents?

I have a killer combination of predictive reasoning and stealth mode. You’d think a dog my size wouldn’t be sneaky, but I am. I can also determine exactly what the humans are going to do next. These talents are best used to hide in dark corners and scare the daylights out of people; or to always be in mom’s way while she’s in the kitchen. No matter where she turns, there I am.

I also have the power of mind control. All I have to do is stare at my humans to get them to do what I want. This works particularly well when they’re sitting next to each other on the couch. If I stare hard enough and long enough I can get them to move and let me in the middle.

Well, there you have it. A peek into the mind of Juno. I’m sure you’ll be seeing a lot of her on the blog!

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